Brockisms and Delay Tactics

My son thinks he has me under his thumb.  Well, he sort-of, okay, he definitely does.  This section will be known as "Brockisms":

• I have been working on making him actually use the legs that God has given him to walk.  But if I had a mother dumb enough to carry my 35lbs around, I think I would be beg for it, too.  It is so excruciating to say "No".  It falls out so easily, but my heart is saying that there will be one day that he won't hold me anymore.  And what about the workout I am getting from lifting/lugging his big butt around? Goodbye cheater workout!
• The crying - oh my lands this kid can cry.  He cries when he is mad, wants something, or just plan sad.  I know this is Karma's sick joke.  This is my fault for complaining about crying kids all those years.  Now I have one.  I love him, but man, he needs to figure out a better way to communicate. I guess this is new for me, because MacKenzie still only cries when something is drastically wrong!  I do have to say that this is an improvement from the fighting, hitting, and biting he used to do.  At least he reserves only the best for those of us at home that get to see him daily.  Summer is going to be interesting.
• The funny - That child has the most infectious laugh.  He has learned to sing quite well.  My personal favorite is "You got a friend in me".  In our house, it is pronounced: "ooo got a fren in Knee".  It is so stinking cute that I can't get enough.  However, he prefers solo renditions much better than duets.  When anyone else jumps in, they are swiftly chastised and dragging their tails to the nearest corner.  Evidently, he refuses to share the spotlight.
• The Dance Moves - Wow, he can dance too ladies.  I am impressed that he tries, but he is quite scary once the arms get to flailing and he springs up in the air.  I think we need to start grooming him for basketball now, because according to his dancing, we have a goldmine on our hands, especially on the defensive side.  I think he might even have a decent vertical as well, but seriously, his arms do look like his dribbling and fighting off defenders at the same time.
• Delay tactics - I like that he is potty trained, but there are days that I truly miss diapers.  Yes, it is my crutch and my laziness. 
• I miss being able to travel in the car for more than 30 minutes without having to stop to pee at every gas station.  Or how about feeling like you have to fumigate their hands because he touched the seat.  I also don't like stopping, because they want every item we walk by on the way there.
• I miss when you put them to bed at night, they actually stay there, and not ...."Mom, I need to poop!"  There in lies the delay tactics.  I had to hear that 4 times tonight.  Each time, I got him up, but stinker didn't go.  I think I am done with getting him up to poop.  I lied. I don't want to clean up poopy sheets either.  What to do, what to do?

Watch out ladies, he is a good catch.  He doesn't poop in his pants anymore, has basketball moves, can sing, tender hearted, helps you workout - What more could you ask for? 

One thing is for sure - if I don't get this worked out, he might still be living with me at the age of 30!